Boro have let me down. But that's no real surprise. Can do without a (more than usual) smug Shearer living the dream on the Match of the Day sofa giving expert insight because he's now got managerial experience, proven managerial experience at that. Because he saved Newcastle from certain doom by making two inspired (desperate) substitutions in a must win six-pointer.

Newcastle are staying up by virtue of the fixture list.

The dream is over people. We did our bit to relegate them, and so did everyone else but unfortunately Boro are gush and even if Newcastle lose their remaining two games, Hull won't win theirs.

Alan Shearers return to television will be a glourious crowning moment for his ego. My nightmare has began.

I've booked myself in for a session or two of hypnotherapy. When I sit down to watch Match of the Day next season, apparently I won't actually see Shearer on screen at all. Obviously, if he's on the show he'll be on tv, but with these sessions my brain will be re-conditioned to block him out so all I will see is Gary Lineker asking Keeley Hazell what she thought of the game.

So, even though I have 'issues' with the tv-pundit-turned-messiah, on a positive note, at least Phil Brown will be back in the Championship. Him and that poxy cotton bud he has Sello-taped to the side of his face.